5 points to consider when returning to education as a parent
If you are thinking about or are returning to education after time away, then this is the post for you.
Returning to education as a mum is a hard decision and there
are a lot of things to consider; can I really afford it? Can I fit it in with
my children? Am I clever enough to do it? Am I too old?
When I was on maternity leave, I began to question
everything I thought I was. I felt my brain turned to mush because my sole
reason for waking up was to feed and change my son. I returned to the PhD after
6 months of maternity leave.
In pretty much every way, my experience of the PhD mum
journey has been amazing – that’s not to say it hasn’t been challenging – but I
have experienced the support of a fantastic supervisory team, the working hours
were extremely flexible, and my partner was very understanding. I think if one
of these three things were not in place, then my experience would have been
something completely different.
Here are my five points to consider if you are thinking of
returning to education (at any level):
1. Make the decision
It sounds easy enough doesn’t it. But
actually, making the decision to return to education is probably the hardest
one. You have to battle all of your self-doubt and try to plan for a future that
is not guaranteed (with constant thoughts of “what if I don’t pass” or “what if
I don’t get a job at the end of it; it would have been for nothing”). Once you
have battled with yourself, then there is always the voice of your immediate
family. Mine still didn’t really understand why I was bothering to do a PhD and
what it actually was. Making this decision is difficult and only you can do it.
Rather than wondering about workload, perhaps think about the long term plan.
Why do this specific course – will it help you in anyway? I did a PhD because,
as an academic, I can’t be promoted without it. I think if you have a clear
reason for doing it, then you can manage anything that the course throws up at
you along the way.
2. Commit
There is no point deciding to return to
education and not committing to it. Try to be realistic with the time you have,
set targets and deadlines and go for it! With children, this will likely mean
you will either have to work when other people can take them away, when they
nap (depending on their age), or in the evening after they are asleep. I
regularly worked in to the small hours of the morning just to keep up with the
writing; but then, I would reward myself with a weekend off or vice versa. Know
that it is not forever and it is a short term cost for a long term goal. I had
to be very clear, particularly towards the end of my PhD, with my partner that
I needed designated time to do some work. Sure he moaned that he never got to
see me, but again, it did not last forever.
3. Seek support
I started a blog (mainly neglected now
because I don’t have time) when I returned from maternity as a way for me to
practice my writing skills and feel a bit more competent with it. After having
my son, I felt so incapable of doing anything, it was difficult to feel
“worthy” of the PhD. What I didn’t expect from Instagram/social media was to
find such a community of student mums. It has been such a brilliant source of
support and release. Just to look through other peoples experience and to know
I wasn’t alone. Also, within my university, there are a few people who had taken
maternity leave that I could talk to and more generally, is a researchers group
for which I could talk to about more specific issues to do with my study.
4. Think about the finances, but try not to let that put you off
A major concern to everyone is about money.
This was mine. You are thinking about being a student, it shouldn’t be that shocking
that it won’t pay well. The question is whether you can make it work long
enough until you graduate/finish the course. With a bit of creativity, I
guarantee you can make this happen. I was surprised how much a stipend covered
– tax free it was equivalent to earning £24,000 a year. Then on top of this
were the student discounts. There are sources of funding available (depending
on the course) and childcare options (again, depending on the course). However,
if you can make it work for the short term, or if that means a student loan,
try to think what the long term outcome is; the opportunity for a better
career? a happier you?
5. Expect to want to quit
There will be countless times throughout the
course that you will consider leaving, that you will feel as though you aren’t
good enough for the award, or that you don’t deserve to be there. The journey
is difficult and challenging, but then isn’t motherhood? (and you have managed
that). I think this is where being a mum is an asset; you become so resilient. During
these moments, try to reflect back on point 1. What made you start this in the
first place, surround yourself in the people from point 3 and remember to
commit with point 2. Any qualification is 90% hard work and 10% intelligence.
Mum, PhD.
Mum, PhD.
Hi there! I happen to stumble upon your blog. We are on the same boat. I am also a PHD mom and thank you for this. I've been wanting to blog about my experiences too but I feel like I am always running after time. And I always feel so alone since I am the only mom among my peers in school. Again, thank you, thank you.
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