PhD Mum

"You see us as you want to see us—in the simplest terms, in the most convenient definitions. But what we found out is that each one of us is a brain...and an athlete...and a basket case...a princess...and a criminal. Does that answer your question?" (The Breakfast Club) When I was 16 I was doing my A-levels. One of the courses I chose was sociology (I chose this course because it was not forced on me at GCSE, by way of protest and rebellion). This course had such an impact on me in ways I am only really starting to understand now. During the course, I was repeatedly told that people from broken homes and/or from working class families were destined to be criminals, to create a broken home themselves in the future, and/or become mentally ill. Being someone from a recently broken home and very much working class, I felt that the world was setting the bar for me. That it was telling me I didn’t deserve and shouldn’t expect anything more. And I think this idea was ...

As part of my PhD education, I attended a training session on communicating research. During this session, the trainer quoted a well-known saying; that verbal communication is less than 10% of the entire communication process (the precise figure was 7%). The rest is “everything else”; body language...cadence…pitch. Communication is only 7% verbal/words Kids get this. Most toddlers don’t have a huge vocabulary but are able to understand easily the message that is being conveyed to them. In my house it is usually me stood with a hand on my hip, the other pointing at a shoe, eyebrows raised, high pitch. My kid gets it. They use the 93% available to them to figure it out. Toddlers: masters in communication. Whilst the accuracy of this 7% quote is up for debate, it still gets me thinking about communication via messages only. Particular in the world of Instagram, twitter, facebook, whatsapp…where a status/tweet/caption becomes scrutinised by all. It is part and parcel of part...

I always feel a sense of irony looking back at my ignorance of parenting before actually having to do it. The ignorance and arrogance of youth who think they know it all. I am sure 99% of people reading this with kids think this too, as we all sit on a sofa covered in baby snot and chocolate handprints. But in fairness, I had good reason to be cocky. I grew up in a large extended family (I have 30 cousins!), surrounded by babies. Before I was pregnant, loads of my friends had kids, my sister has kids, cousins had kids etc. You get the idea. I was relatively late at reproducing. And I thought I knew what to expect and that I was able to deal with any eventuality. Looking back at when my little bundle of joy arrived, the first few months are hard to recall due to a heavy mix of sleep deprivation and anxiety. But on reflection, the first two years of parenting were relatively straight forward: make sure the baby was physically looked after, remember to feed, change, &...

Before I go on, please know that this is a lighthearted piece . There are many women who struggle daily with mental health conditions every day and there are great services available to offer support (God bless the NHS). Please do not take any offence to what I write, and please if you think you might, stop reading. After completing my undergraduate degree, I took a few years off from academia. I then returned to complete my MSc. During this course, I had to complete a piece of original research. I decided to study schizotypal traits in religious people (as you do). Which simply means that even in a undiagnosed population (your average Joe), there are traits or behaviours that could be considered a psychiatric illness. I was lucky enough to be supervised by Professor Richard Bentall during my MSc. His book, Madness Explained , is a very good read. Similarly to the book by Jon Ronson on Psychopaths , they make you question the psychological testing method and how exactly someone i...

The short answer is YES, you can! I know so many fabulous people that balance study and parenthood like absolute legends. Don't get me wrong, it is not an easy journey. But it is completely do-able! It's mainly about deciding what works for you and your family. Think of the study as a job, and you will almost certainly pass.  If you are considering a PhD, I thought it might be helpful to describe what my worries were before I started. They can be broadly grouped within 3 domains: work/life balance, money, value. Work Life balance: do I have time for a PhD? You will find there are times when you have to focus on studying (e.g. If you are recruiting or running experiments) and have to be in the office/lab. There are other times that are much more flexible. For this reason you can find you can work in the office less frequently than a standard 9-5 job (and a PhD is a job) -   @mother_pukka  talks about "flex appeal", and a PhD is the ultimate in this. It is ...

It has been ages since I have written a post. I have been so busy with other things and finishing my thesis that I haven't had the focus or interest to write anything; that was until I went away to a work conference. It's so interesting to hear other people's views on parenting. I don't think any are right or wrong, just a different perspective to mine. Whilst away last week, I was talking about my son. I am used to the "don't you feel bad leaving him, I bet you miss him" comments (I don't recall anyone asking the men at the conference if they felt bad leaving their children whilst at work). But during one of these such conversation, I had said that my son was at home with his dad and I was told how much of a brilliant dad he is for doing that. It seems funny to me that someone would be branded "brilliant" and get a parent of the year award for simply flying solo with their child whilst the other parent is at work. I responded that he wasn...

I started this blog about 12 months in to my PhD. My monster was turning 2. My mental abilities were returning post-sleep deprivation. As a new mum, I would look at this blog/instagram/Facebook malarkey and wonder why someone would even bother taking the effort of doing this, given the demands of being a mum. As a PhD student, I would think the same. It is time consuming, especially when there is a thesis to write! Here are a few reasons I did: 1. Returning to the PhD after being mum, I felt a sudden lack of confidence. In my ability as an academic and generally as a writer. The process of writing the blog, however imperfect the spelling/grammar/style really helped me to get back onboard with the writing process. This reason alone has made blogging worthwhile. 2. I don't really write with the idea that loads of people will read it, or to provide lots of advice, but the process for me is very cathartic. A psychological break from the daily grind. I hope that somewhere, a mu...