Can you really do a PhD and be a parent?

The short answer is YES, you can!





I know so many fabulous people that balance study and parenthood like absolute legends.

Don't get me wrong, it is not an easy journey. But it is completely do-able! It's mainly about deciding what works for you and your family. Think of the study as a job, and you will almost certainly pass. 

If you are considering a PhD, I thought it might be helpful to describe what my worries were before I started. They can be broadly grouped within 3 domains: work/life balance, money, value.

Work Life balance: do I have time for a PhD?

You will find there are times when you have to focus on studying (e.g. If you are recruiting or running experiments) and have to be in the office/lab. There are other times that are much more flexible. For this reason you can find you can work in the office less frequently than a standard 9-5 job (and a PhD is a job) -  @mother_pukka talks about "flex appeal", and a PhD is the ultimate in this. It is hard mustering up the motivation to work when the little one(s) has(have) gone to bed, especially after a crappy nights sleep, but you don't have to do this all the time. I also co-ordinate with my man and ask him to take monster out for a day at the weekend to concentrate on completing a small section at a time. If you set yourself small achievable deadlines throughout and manage your time to do this, you will be fine. Whilst a thesis is daunting, each chapter is simply a series of sections, which will come together before you know it.

Can I really AFFORD to do a PhD?

Money is a massive consideration for a PhD. PhDs are usually funded with stipend payments (unless you are self-funded which is a different kettle of fish all together). These payments are tax free so the stated amount is exactly what you get over the year - so not as bad as you would think. Did you know a salary of £24,000 the actual take home is just over £19,000, so a stipend isn't that much less. With a (potential) reduction in income, there are all the other issues: travel, childcare, bills and so on. If your child is under primary school age, an important thing to know is that you will not (as it currently stands) be entitled to any support in childcare, you are in a black hole when you do a PhD. Undergraduates get additional funding, post graduates do not. However, the "flex appeal" of the PhD means you can look at a reduced number of days at the nursery, travel in less frequently. I have my monster looked after 3 days a week (2 in nursery, used to be 3; then 1 by his lovely great aunt). Here is some additional information that you *might* be able to access, if you are eligible. Money is a massive worry for everyone but it shouldn't hold you back.
As you will see from above, doing a PhD is not that different to the considerations of going back to work. Only with a PhD, there is a lot more flexibility and self-motivation is a necessity. I am motivated by the thought of getting it done ASAP. 

Finally, is it really worth it?

Now this is the golden question. Is it worth it at the end of it? I would never have got my job as a researcher if I didn't do my MSc, so that is the best money I could have invested (I had to pay to do this & had no job planned for the end of it so it was a huge risk). A PhD in academia was essential if I want career progression. I am hopeful that I will stay in my current unit to do some post doc work and eventually lead on my own research grants and collaborate with fellow researchers internationally. Do you need to do a PhD? Will it help your career more than an alternative training course? Is it recognised in your area? This, I am afraid, is your decision to make. 

If you decide to go for it, well done you and good luck. Expect a journey of mixed emotions and general frustration - and that's without the kids but, in my experience, it has completely been worth it. Having my son and doing the research has complimented each other so well. I have really enjoyed the flexibility of it and the intellectual stimulation. 

One thing I haven't mentioned is the decision to do a part-time option. I haven't done this. But I take my hat off to anyone who can juggle kids, a job, and additional study. You definitely deserve a gin at the end of each day.

Mum, PhD.