Isn't he a brilliant dad!
It has been ages since I have written a post. I have been so busy with other things and finishing my thesis that I haven't had the focus or interest to write anything; that was until I went away to a work conference. It's so interesting to hear other people's views on parenting. I don't think any are right or wrong, just a different perspective to mine.
Whilst away last week, I was talking about my son. I am used to the "don't you feel bad leaving him, I bet you miss him" comments (I don't recall anyone asking the men at the conference if they felt bad leaving their children whilst at work). But during one of these such conversation, I had said that my son was at home with his dad and I was told how much of a brilliant dad he is for doing that.
It seems funny to me that someone would be branded "brilliant" and get a parent of the year award for simply flying solo with their child whilst the other parent is at work. I responded that he wasn't a brilliant dad because of this, it was his son and actually he is as mediocre as I am at this parenting gig. Incidentally, I do think he is a brilliant dad, but that is for other reasons more than "babysitting" - I said he was mediocre just to make a point really (petty I know!).
It made me simultaneously chuckle and feel a bit sad. I thought that, as a society, we had progressed from the "mum" and "dad" stereotyped roles and towards that of simply being the "parent".
From my perspective (and others might disagree with this), there seems to be a completely different criteria for a mum and a dad. For a mum, the bar is set very high - it seems to start off with the expectation of 100% and it's more a case of watching out for the things you don't do i.e. art and craft sessions, baby groups, organic food.
But with a dad, there seems to be a different set of rules where the mark is at 0% and you watch for what they do. In this case, being alone with the kid for more than one night is enough to warrant Esther Rantzen knocking down the door with a heart of gold award.
I can't decide if instagram has skewed my opinion on this as to why I thought we had moved on and why this small chat made me reflect so much. Am I just incredibly lucky to have a man that I can leave the child with (should this be considered lucky?). We are equals in this relationship and as such do everything between us. There are somethings I am better at, there are somethings he is better at. For this conference, I did the preparatory work. I got food in, made sure there were enough clean clothes....etc...but this is more me worrying and easing the inevitable guilt of leaving. The man is perfectly able to look after our child as I would expect any parent is. I appreciate that the man is left far less often with the monster and so can sometimes feel a bit unsure of what exactly to do (as in trying to do things how he thinks I would do them), but he manages it. When he goes away, no one bats an eyelid about it and I certainly don't get accused of being brilliant for staying at home.
Mum, PhD.
Whilst away last week, I was talking about my son. I am used to the "don't you feel bad leaving him, I bet you miss him" comments (I don't recall anyone asking the men at the conference if they felt bad leaving their children whilst at work). But during one of these such conversation, I had said that my son was at home with his dad and I was told how much of a brilliant dad he is for doing that.
It seems funny to me that someone would be branded "brilliant" and get a parent of the year award for simply flying solo with their child whilst the other parent is at work. I responded that he wasn't a brilliant dad because of this, it was his son and actually he is as mediocre as I am at this parenting gig. Incidentally, I do think he is a brilliant dad, but that is for other reasons more than "babysitting" - I said he was mediocre just to make a point really (petty I know!).
It made me simultaneously chuckle and feel a bit sad. I thought that, as a society, we had progressed from the "mum" and "dad" stereotyped roles and towards that of simply being the "parent".
From my perspective (and others might disagree with this), there seems to be a completely different criteria for a mum and a dad. For a mum, the bar is set very high - it seems to start off with the expectation of 100% and it's more a case of watching out for the things you don't do i.e. art and craft sessions, baby groups, organic food.
But with a dad, there seems to be a different set of rules where the mark is at 0% and you watch for what they do. In this case, being alone with the kid for more than one night is enough to warrant Esther Rantzen knocking down the door with a heart of gold award.
I can't decide if instagram has skewed my opinion on this as to why I thought we had moved on and why this small chat made me reflect so much. Am I just incredibly lucky to have a man that I can leave the child with (should this be considered lucky?). We are equals in this relationship and as such do everything between us. There are somethings I am better at, there are somethings he is better at. For this conference, I did the preparatory work. I got food in, made sure there were enough clean clothes....etc...but this is more me worrying and easing the inevitable guilt of leaving. The man is perfectly able to look after our child as I would expect any parent is. I appreciate that the man is left far less often with the monster and so can sometimes feel a bit unsure of what exactly to do (as in trying to do things how he thinks I would do them), but he manages it. When he goes away, no one bats an eyelid about it and I certainly don't get accused of being brilliant for staying at home.
Mum, PhD.
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